Thank You for your Prayers and Concern

To all my facebook family and friends, a heartfelt thank you for your prayers and concern.  The lung cancer is gone and the blood clots in the lung are gone as well.  This was great news and I attribute this to your prayers.  The cancer in my liver has diminished but will not require additional chemotherapy at this time.  It will be monitored by bi-monthly Ct scans.  This is more great news.  The three cancer cells in my back will only require a monthly dose of chemotherapy and the chemotherapy will only last about an hour.  The cancer in my brain has also diminished to three small lesions and will require additional radiation therapy.  I will find out more when I meet with my Radiation Doctor next week.  Again, thank you for all your prayers.  The Lord is listening.

Thoughts on ISIS

Yesterday I watched a You Tube video from one of the news outlets.  They video was from a helicopter delivering relief supplies to the people trapped on Mount Sinjar in Iraq.  I don’t know how to include a video in a post so I reposted the videos on facebook. 

The videos are distressing.  The soldiers on the helicopter are tossing food and water out the helicopter doors as people are rushing to get into the helicopter at the same time.  But there is only so much room on the helicopter for people. The soldiers have to resort to physically pushing people off the helicopter skids as they start to go airborne.  Once on board, the refugees at first showed little emotion.  They appear stunned.  Then their emotions flow from them as they realize the have been saved from almost certain death.

And death for the Christians trapped on Mount Sinjar is almost certain unless the international community comes to their aid by defeating ISIS (the Islamic State in Syria). 

ISIS must be defeated.  They are worse than barbarians.  They are the spawn of the devil, beheading children and placing their heads on stakes on roads.  One picture showed a child proudly carrying a severed head of an adult throughout the streets.  ISIS is your worst nightmare come to life.  They have no regard for human life.  It’s as if the gates of hell opened up and these monsters emerged.  The only way to stop them is to obliterate them.  Dialog will be useless.  There can be no peace talks.  Their aim is to establish an Islamic Caliphate based on Sheria law throughout the Middle East, killing or enslaving anyone who disagrees with them.  Once accomplished, they will turn their twisted, evil ideology towards the USA, probably much sooner.

So what kind of strategy does the USA have?  Apparently none.  Our politicians spend time quibbling about whether the decision was right or wrong in pulling the troops out of Iraq.  At this time, who cares?  The policy must be to confront ISIS and defeat them.  Historians will have plenty of time to determine whether that foreign policy decision was correct (my prediction is no).

But this administration seems to have no real strategy or policy other than not putting boos on the ground in Iraq.  Yes, the President approved the delivery of relief supplies to the Yazidis on Mount Sinjar and the Defense Department is looking for a corridor to provide safe passage from the mountain for these people, but it’s not enough.  ISIS continues the genocide, and we send an additional 130 advisors to Iraq. 

There is only one country with the ability to defeat ISIS and that is us.  Waiting for the new Prime Minister of Iraq to form a new government takes time and ISIS will continue their march across Iraq.  Our President believes that once the government has formed, the Sunnis will suddenly throw down their arms and join with the government.  It’s a nice dream but not based on the reality in the field. 

The United States is the only country with the ability to defeat ISIS and it will take boots on the ground.  I realize people are war-weary.  Too many of our soldiers were killed or wounded during the Afghan and Iraq wars, and billions of dollars spent.  What was the point, considering Al-Qaeda and the Taliban appear poised to take control of Afghanistan once we leave, and ISIS now controls a wide swath of Iraq.  But I believe we must act immediately.  Every day we wait, more people die from starvation or at the hands of ISIS.  I don’t understand how the majority of Americans can watch the video from that area and not be moved to assist the people on that mountain or to confront ISIS.  I guess many believe it is just another violent video game.  We’ve become a nation of narcissists, thinking only of ourselves.  I believe we must act now.  President Nixon wrote a book, “No More Vietnams”.  He writes that when you use your military power by deploying troops you must commit to winning.  You can’t just use limited power.  The current air strikes against ISIS may have stopped their advance, but ISIS is savvy enough to change their tactics and will blend in with the civilian population, or at least those civilians they have yet to kill, making it impossible for us to use airpower alone. 

We can’t wait.  The Yazidis can’t wait.  I can only pray that God will find that place in the President’s heart that will move him to lead us to save those desperate people and decimate the ISIS forces.

Simple Becomes Complicated

When I received my cancer diagnosis, I didn’t spend much time doing research on cancer.  After all, the doctors first thought the liver cancer was caused by cancer in the colon, which turned out false.  Then they thought it was kidney cancer, and then pancreatic cancer.  A Cat Scan settled the issue that it was lung cancer that metastasized to the liver and back and now the brain. 

I didn’t ask many questions at first because I didn’t know what questions to ask.  In my own way I guess I didn’t want to know what was happening inside me.  I sat through the chemotherapy with really no idea of what chemical cocktails were being injected into my body.  After a few months, I started to look on the web for answers.  That was confusing as there is a tremendous amount of information hundreds of web sites.  I wanted to keep it simple but soon found myself scouring the web for more and more information concerning symptoms, medications, side effects, chemo brain, stages of cancer, etc.  I tried to digest it all and became overwhelmed.  So I stopped my research and now trying to keep it simple, again. 

The same thing happened when I began my spiritual journey.  I started slowly, particularly at the beginning of my chemotherapy sessions.  I would ask God to help me through it.  As weeks went by, I started to read the Bible, ordered spiritual books online, and soon what was simple became complicated.  My plan was to complete the Divine Office daily, read the Magnificat daily, pray the rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy every day, and spend an hour daily on Bible study along with other spiritual books.  This was quite an ambitious plan for someone who begins at zero.  It wasn’t long before I found myself putting off one, and then another, due to lack of time or some other excuse.  So when my daily plan didn’t work out, I felt guilty and quit completely.  I was overwhelmed and believed I had let God down as I usually did.  For the next few months I stayed away from any spirituality.

But I felt an aching inside for weeks.  Finally I knew that once again I took what should have been simple and made it so complicated that I was overwhelmed.  But now, rather than quitting completely as I did before, I’ve decided to try a different track.  I’m now back at “keep it simple stupid” and have to remind myself daily to follow that.  It would be so easy for me to once again complicate any spiritual growth.  Like a man who has been without water for days, I must sip slowly.

Thoughts on Cancer – A blessing

It was exactly 26 years go that a young woman made the decision to join our little family by marrying our youngest son.  I had no idea at that time how her decision would affect me so many years later.  But I’m certain God did.

When I received my cancer diagnosis about 9 months ago, I was shell-shocked.  It took some time for me to absorb.  And coming on top of diagnosis for diabetes, osteoarthritis, bad discs in my lower back, and syringomyelia, well, 2013 was not a good year for me health-wise.  But now God’s plan would start to emerge.

From my first day of chemotherapy, Janette has been a rock for me.  She has become such an integral part of my life that I can’t imagine it without her.  She drives me to every appointment, picks up my medications, and explains how to take them when I forget. When I start to lose my balance, her right arm is there to steady me.  She comforts me when I have bouts of depression.  She is my patient advocate with my oncology doctor, speaking with him regarding any side effect from my medication.  She picks up groceries, mows the yard, and makes the best potato salad this side of heaven.  All this she does even though she suffers from her own medical condition which at times I’m certain is very painful for her.  But she never complains.  It’s as if God took my Guardian Angel and made her flesh.

It is said that what you offer to God is returned to you a hundredfold.  I do hope that is the case.  I really don’t know if Janette is a religious person, but I believe she is filled with the Holy Spirit and I pray for her daily.  My words of thank you to her, though sincere, are not enough.  Each day I ask God to bless her for all she does for me.  I don’t know what I or Jeannie would do without her.  I’m just so very grateful that she made her decision to join our family 26 years ago.

My Thoughts on Cancer

Receiving my diagnosis of cancer was shocking but not completely unexpected.  After all, I smoked for many years, ignoring the warnings and feeling invincible.  So I now must deal with the consequences of my actions.  I think about the cancer and the many different forms it takes and how debilitating it can be.  As I sit receiving chemotherapy, particularly during my long days, I see quite a few people of all ages come and go except children.  To me, it seems each one responds differently.  I’m thankful I don’t see any children.  I only see the people I share the chemotherapy room with and they are in more defined age ranges which I’ll get to in a moment.  Children and the more advanced cancer patients are kept from me.  Their struggle is more personal, suffering more acute, so I’m grateful I don’t share their experience for that portion of their cancer struggle.

When I think of children with cancer I think of those children at St Jude’s Children Hospital.  How brave those children are.  Those children show an intestinal fortitude and grace that transcends anything I’ll ever know.  Their young lives were transformed from being just children to being patients spending most of their young lives in a hospital ward.  As I watch their commercial, I am mesmerized by their eyes.  Bright, sparkling, courageous, to name just a few elements their eyes possess.  Their eyes reflect the love of God.  It comes right through the TV.  Jesus holds them in His arms as He lets them experience the real love of God.  Their wisdom and strength is amazing and I am humbled.

When I enter the chemotherapy center for my cocktail of killer chemicals, I’ve noted some teens and twentyish folks also undergoing therapy.  They appear upbeat.  They seem almost accepting of their lot in life and are friendly to everyone.  Their smiles are infectious.  They have their iPhones on, headsets in and music playing.  A cure for them seems very possible so the diagnosis becomes a bump in their life’s road.  Not so for a middle-aged victim.

A cancer diagnosis for a middle-aged person seems more debilitating.  Their life plans get suddenly put on hold as they must undergo chemotherapy and/or radiation therapy in an attempt to stop the cancer’s growth.  Their partners attend the therapy with them.  Some win the battle and others lose and my heart goes out to them all.  Their life is altered as well as their families. 

For an older person who is near or past retirement age and receives a cancer diagnosis, I see two sides appear.  Some appear surly, angry and hurt.  Often they are facing this battle alone as their spouse has already lost their battle.  They are brought to the Oncology Center by the nursing home they are now forced to reside in.  Then there are the others who have family beside them, offering support.  They are happier, friendlier, and willing to share their story with anyone who will listen.  I pray for them all.

In my case, the diagnosis was not easy to swallow.  Finding out I had lung cancer that had metastasized to my liver and into my back was a shock. But even more shocking was to find out that it entered my brain. 

At first, I was numb.  I started chemotherapy and had all the usual side effects that chemotherapy brings…nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, fatigue, loss of balance, memory loss, hair loss, etc.  The fatigue and nausea was the worst.  I dreaded the chemo sessions as they would wipe me out for days.  And as the chemo decreased my red blood cells I found myself becoming more fatigued in less time more often as the anemia increased.

I realize I may not beat this.  I realize it could very easily flourish without warning, causing even more trouble.  But for some reason I find that okay.  I don’t know why.  That I have the strength at this time to prepare meals and clean the kitchen of my dirty dishes does my heart good.  I get frustrated that I can no longer drive due to loss of motor skills but then it’s nice to sit back and have someone else drive me around for a change.

But cancer has also been, for me, a strange sort of blessing.  I’ve been able to restart a relationship with God that I had forsaken for many years.  The radiation therapy for the brain cancer should cause memory loss and while I do often find it difficult to remember what I want to say, I am having no trouble remembering all the lousy things I did I my life.  Those images wash over me like waves on a shore, battering my consciousness.  I guess that’s what’s called spiritual healing.

And yet I find I’m more at peace now than I have been in years.  I am changing my spiritual direction and asking for forgiveness.  The cancer makes me slow down so my life spreads slowly out making it easier to enjoy the full fruits of life.  In every little thing I find great joy as if my heart was suddenly opened.  At first, I was embarrassed about my almost incessant emotional merry-go-round whenever I spoke or thought of something personal.  Now I relish the tears that flow as I realize they are healing my soul.  But that may end as my anti-depressant medication kicks in. 

I have no idea what is to come and that is best.  I’m taking it one day at a time.  That’s all God gives me, one day…today.  I have no control over tomorrow; that’s His decision.  I can only do the best I can today.  Some days I can’t accomplish much from a physical perspective due to pain but that is okay.  The pain eventually ends.  On those days I can still read and reading gives me the opportunity to grow spiritually.  And my relationship with Jeannie has grown tremendously just over the past six months.  We have a wonderful life without all the clutter that we searched out for years.  There is great joy in simplicity.