A Letter From A Cigarette

A Letter From Your Cigarette

Dear Steve,

Since we’ve been very close friends for over 45 years now, I can’t even begin to tell you how painful it is for me to write this letter to you.  But I really need you to understand a few things.

First, haven’t I always been there for you?  No matter the situation you found yourself in, I was usually the first thing you thought of.  When you were depressed, I was there for you.  When you were sad or hurt, I helped you through those painful times.  When you were happy, I shared in your joy.  And after you did that thing people do, who was the first one you thought of when it was over?  Me, of course, because I helped you relax.  After you took a plane trip and landed, who did you think of first…your wife…the kids?  You know the answer.  It was me.  You could not wait to get to an area where we could be together again.  And what is a meal without me to finish it off?

So you see, I’ve been there for you through both good times and bad times, just like a true friend should be.  I never judged you.  Never gave you bad advice.  I never tried to influence how you thought or what you believed.  All I ever wanted was to be that someone you could always count on to be there for you.  And I have, haven’t I?

Yes, yes, I know you’ve fought for me at times.  You signed petitions in an attempt to allow me to be with you in restaurants and bars.  You denied the evidence that second-hand smoke is dangerous.  And I appreciate those efforts more than you’ll ever know because that’s what friends do for one another. 

Oh, I know you’ve tried to break up our friendship in the past.  You tried hypnosis and that failed.  You tried that patch thing and that failed.  You tried cold turkey and that failed.  And after each failure our bond became even stronger.  And do you really want to know why all those attempts to end our relationship failed?  Because no matter what method you used, you continued to think of me, often every few minutes.  Our bond is so strong that I didn’t believe anything could ever keep up apart.  After all, we were meant to be together.

But now you are trying once again to break us up and this time I’m scared you will succeed.  You’re starting to use something called e-cigs to replace me.  Oh sure, some people may have been able to end their relationship with their cigarette for now.  And you may be able to end our relationship as well using those fake cigarettes.

But know this.  I will not let our relationship end without a fight.  I will do everything I can to keep us together.  And when the time comes that you want me back as your true friend, I will be there waiting for you.  Then our bond will be stronger than ever.  It will truly be, “Till death do us part.”

Yours forever, Cigarette